Dog Days
by Ellster
Summary: Lucky is a good dog. A very good dog. But sometimes he's a bit too much for Clint and then he can keep the whole Avengers team busy.


**_The Avengers_**

_Tony, Nat, Cap, 844666777-666344466777766666 *God_of_Thunder*, …_

_Me_ Hey, guys? I have a problem.

_Nat _Where?

_Me_ Not like universe-threatening or anything.

_Tony _Is it the dog again?

_Me _I just need a little help.

_Nat _How many?

_Me _Just the one, actually.

_Nat _Do I need weapons?

_Me _No weapons.

_Tony _It's the dog again, isn't it…

_Me _If you'd just come over, please…

_Cap _We'll be there.

_Tony _No I won't. Not if it's got anything to do with the dog.

_Cap _Yes you will.

_Tony changed the group name to "Dog loving Bitches"_

_Tony _And what if not?

_Cap changed the group name to "The Avengers"_

_Cap _I'll make you.

_Tony _Fine [rolling eyes]

_Me _Great, thanks [thumbsup]

"Hey buddy," Natasha greeted the dog who politely sat in front of her, wagging a mile a minute.

"And you're not greeting me?" his owner asked, his pout only semi-ironic.

"Hi Clint," she replied, giving the dog a thorough rubbing. "What's up?"

Barton motioned to one ear and she nodded understanding. As dogs went the yellow lab named Lucky was on the brighter side and had long ago learned what 'ear-drops' meant, as well as how to avoid them effectively. They had been through this procedure a few times and Natasha knew only too well why Clint had called for help. She looked around. "Where's Kate?"

"Had to get back to L.A. this morning," Clint replied with a grimace. "That's why I need you."

The door swung open enthusiastically, admitting one fabulous Tony Stark. "Hello everyone," he said, looking around the room. "What's that?"

Clint followed his gaze to the box of freshly delivered pizza stuck on top of a closet by the door, which probably was the highest possible surface in the room. "Incentive," he replied.

"And what's it doing up there?"

"So he can't get to it," Clint sighed. "Stop pointing it out."

Tony rolled his eyes. "So this is about the dog."

"Just hold his head and we'll be done in no time," Natasha replied, who already had Lucky in a playful hug.

Stark wanted to retreat back through the door, but the Black Widow gave him one of those don't-mess-with-me-looks he knew would haunt him for at least a month if he backed out now. "Alright," he sighed throwing his arms up in surrender. He deposited his jacket on the only chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves. "Can't we just stun it or something?"

"No," Clint decided categorically.

"You know this would go a lot faster and easier if we could just knock him out for a few minutes," Natasha put in.

"You're not going to stun my dog," Clint repeated. "Or you mop up the vomit."

"Hell no," Tony muttered disgustedly and took his place across from Nat and took hold of the dog's head.

Happy about this new person in his life, Lucky started wagging even more. He decided to greet him appropriately, with a proper wet dog kiss, right over his face.

"Ewwww!" Tony exclaimed and tried to keep his face out of reach of the dripping tongue. In the process, he lost his grip on the dog, who, confused, looked back at his master for advice.

Clint had almost made it to his target when Lucky spotted the bottle of eardrops and as if he had been hit by lightning wriggled free with surprising agility.

Natasha thus left alone on the floor, stared daggers at Stark. "Tony, what the…"

"Door!" Clint yelled and the door was slammed shut as quickly as it had opened.

Captain America stood in front of it defensively until he spotted the dog sitting in front of him with huge puppy eyes. Then he took in the rest of the scene. "You need help?"

"And that's my cue to leave," Tony decided, cleaning off the dog slobber with a dishtowel. He picked up his jacket and grabbed a piece of pizza from the closet. "Good luck with the dog."

Before anyone had realized the door had opened again, Lucky used first Steve then him as perch to snag his own piece and raced out the door.

"That dog's got superpowers," a stunned Bruce Banner muttered, looking after it.

"Circus dog for a circus boy," Natasha commented, running past, quickly followed by Clint and Steve.

"Should we…?"

"Nah, they're fine," Stark replied between two bites and dragged Banner along with his free hand. "This is really good pizza, let's get some more of that."

The others meanwhile had to split up because no one had managed to keep track of Lucky, so Clint was headed up the stairs and Natasha and Steve out the front door and then down either side of the road. Luckily Steve found the dog quickly, lying in a sunny spot two blocks down, wolfing down his catch. When Captain America approached he got up and wagged happily.

"Good boy," Steve said and grabbed his collar the first chance he got. Then he realized he had nothing to use as a leash and he couldn't just drag him all the way back by his collar. Finally, he decided he'd just have to carry the dog and picked him up with one arm around the torso and one under the butt.

With eighty pounds of excitedly barking and wagging dog awkwardly perched on his arms, he made his way back down the street, increasingly aware that Lucky's vocality attracted quite some attention. "Don't worry, this is my friend's dog," Steve told a concerned-looking elderly lady, then realized that just made it look way more suspicious and hurried on.

Back in the house, a door in the hallway was open, Clint's neighbor leaning against the doorframe and watching Steve sympathetically. "Ear drops, huh?" she asked when he was closer.

"Yeah," he replied, while Lucky gave her a disgusted look.

"You need any help?" the neighbor offered.

"I think we got it covered," Steve answered. "Thanks."

The woman chuckled. "Good luck," she said, then disappeared into her flat.

"There you are," Natasha chimed in, squeezing past him in the narrow hallway. That Lucky greeted her with even more enthusiastic tail wagging didn't make her job any easier. The dog looked from her to Steve and back, and then barked as if saying 'look what I found'.

"He likes you," she commented, scratching Lucky behind the ears.

"Dogs are a good judge of character," Steve replied with a smirk.

"He also likes Tony," Clint reminded him from above, then jumped the last flight of stairs down to their level.

"Everybody makes mistakes," Steve conceded.

Natasha somehow managed a straight face. "Come on, Lucky. Inside," she beckoned to the dog, who jumped from his keeper's arms without much struggle and calmly trotted back into his home.

They gathered back in the apartment, Clint and Steve posted by the door to apprehend another escape but Lucky just lay sprawled out on the floor, enjoying the sunlight streaming in through the window. "So, what's the plan?" Captain America asked.

"One holds the dog, one holds the head and one… does stuff," Clint explained, careful to avoid the e-word.

"Well, turns out I'm not that good at holding dogs," Steve commented.

Barton shrugged. "We'll figure it out," he said, then beckoned to the dog. "Here, boy!"

The dog, it turned out, couldn't be bothered and only responded by rolling over onto his back a bit more.

Clint gave Natasha a look of 'this seems way too easy' and walked over. As he approached Lucky looked up apprehensively. Barton passed the ear drops to Nat behind his back, then showed both his empty hands.

Lucky started wagging and rolled over pointedly, demanding the belly rubs he obviously deserved solely by being a dog. His master complied.

Barton waved over Steve who joined in the dog petting and while Lucky was distracted Natasha snuck up from the other side. On a nod from Clint, he and Steve got hold of the dog and she administered the ear drops.

Lucky squirmed, annoyed at his sunbathing and belly rubbing session so rudely being interrupted. He struggled against their grip and they managed to hold on long enough for the drops to settle in but no longer. Then the dog escaped and scurried away under the sofa, pouting at them.

"Well, that's one ear," Barton commented. "Now comes the hard part."

"Wait, you call that the easy bit?" Steve asked.

"Yup," Natasha and Clint sighed in unison. Then there was a heavy knock on the door.

"Come in," Clint said.

Thor entered with a flourish. "You require assistance?"

"Yes," Clint sighed. "The dog needs ear drops."

Thor looked questioningly at the other two until Natasha explained further: "The dog doesn't like getting ear drops."

"If it does not like them," Thor asked, confused, "why does it need them?"

"It's medicine, so he doesn't go deaf," Clint replied.

Thor contemplated this for a moment. "Can it not be reasoned with?"

"It's a dog…" Steve started but was quickly shushed by Clint.

"Be my guest," Barton said to Thor and gestured at the sofa where Lucky was still hiding.

Thor looked at the sofa in confusion for a moment then spotted the dog under it. He crouched down in front of it, imitating the dog's posture. "Noble dog companion," he started. "Your master wishes you to come forth and receive your ear drops."

Lucky first cocked his head with interest and this new, strange person, then turned away with disgust at the mention of the dreaded medicine.

Thor took that as a sign to continue: "Surely you do not want to lose your admirable hearing which must make you as good a hunter as your cousin the wolf?" He waited for an answer.

Lucky kept watching the strange human. He was different from the people he was used to and smelled like a thunderstorm had passed. As the silence grew, he barked once, just to see what happened.

"It talks!" Thor exclaimed, elated. Then he looked at the others. "What did it say?"

"I don't speak dog," Natasha replied deadpan. Steve and Clint were trying hard not to laugh and only managed to gravely shake their heads.

"A shame we shall never know its true wisdom," Thor said and returned into his dog-talking crouch. "Dear friend, I do not understand your words. But I beg that you step forth and show me their meaning so that I may learn."

The dog looked at him quizzically but didn't move.

"Here, try this," Clint suggested and fetched a piece of pizza.

"Is this not human food?" Thor asked. "Is it fit for a dog to eat?"

Clint shrugged. "He likes it."

Thor accepted the pizza and turned back to Lucky. "If you submit to the medicine you shall be compensated…"

He didn't get any further, because Lucky spotted the pizza, decided he wanted it and shot out from under the sofa. He yanked the piece from Thor and dragged it back to his earlier sunbathing spot where he started munching with glee.

"You truly are a magnificent animal," Thor praised him and started petting his back. "And such a marvelous golden pelt."

Meanwhile, Clint put a chair under the door handle, just in case someone else was going to show up, then he and Steve moved between the dog and the sofa, to cut off that exit also. "Thor, can you hold him still?" he asked.

"If you stay still, you shall be richly rewarded," Thor promised and wrapped his arms around Lucky.

The dog had tolerated the petting but wasn't very happy about being interrupted while eating, especially not when the other humans started closing in around him. With cat-like agility, he struggled out of Thor's grip as if he was soaped and jumped over Natasha in front of him, who tried to catch him.

This positioned him in a corner with Steve covering the way out, but Lucky was smaller and quicker and without slowing down jumped through his arms and onto the chair that was stuck under the door handle. Clint almost got him there, but once again evaded capture by wall-jumping at the closet.

The impact sent the remainders of the pizza flying over the edge and onto Clint. Lucky realized there was more food to be had and did a quick 180° turn. Before Barton could get a solid grip on either him or the pizza-box the dog was retracing his steps with three-quarters of a family size pizza in his mouth, spreading pieces everywhere.

Further attempts to capture him failed, mainly because now he was not just agile but also well sauced and therefore slippery. Finally Lucky realized that his catch had disintegrated and was spread out all over the floor. And floor food traditionally was dog food, so therefore he didn't have to take it anywhere anymore because it was all his now anyway. Happily wagging he settled in the middle of it and didn't even react to Clint's ear dropping his second ear except for an annoyed head shake when he was done.

"Hey, Clint? My flight was canceled, can I crash here tonight?"

Barton hadn't heard the door opening and looked up in surprise. In the open door stood Kate Bishop, travel bag over her shoulder. She took off her sunglasses and with the most schoolteacherly look took in the four tomato sauce and pepperoni sprinkled Avengers and the dog that badly needed a bath. "Hell, what happened here?"

Clint flopped back onto the floor with a sigh. "Don't ask."


End file.
